Laugh Out Loud!!!

0 TO 200 IN 6 SECS
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

THE WEDDING NIGHT HUMOR
The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.

Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!

Why it's better to be a Woman!

1. We got off the Titanic first.

2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

4. We can cry and get off speeding fines.

5. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.

6. Taxis stop for us.

7. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

8. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.

9. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.

10. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.

11. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.

12. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.

13. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

14. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.

15. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

16. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.

17. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

18. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

19. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.

20. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

SO... LAUGH OUT LOUD!!!